Friday, January 18, 2013

christine ain't got nuthin on me

after five years without a car of my own, i bought a truck.

while i was sitting there waiting on them to do whatever it is they need to do in order to get me outta there, i flipped through the only magazine around, Cosmopolitan.

if there is girl out there that thinks Maxim is dirty, how's about this shit?

first and foremost, the inside of the front cover was a couple chicks that need to eat a sandwich or seven and stop listening to the cure.  damn.  this is fashion?  if i was wondering around in a drunken stupper and stumbled into this girl, i would vomit and run like hell.  she's a tumble down metal stairs away from Cenobite.

so after i stopped screaming, and got security to understand i was just freaked out a little, i started flipping through this here magazine just to pass the time and see if there was a picture of an actual woman, as apposed to a 12 year old boy with a vagina.

and that's when i fumbled onto this...

Nips Ahoy!

mind you, this is a very large and reputable dealership.  in fact, i purchased my last car from them in 1998 and had a very pleasant time doing so.  this time was the same, so i thought it would be kind to remove the publication and place it somewhere kids or super religious people couldn't turn it into a nightmare for the fine people that are just trying to make a living.  so i gave it to the first female employee that walked by, showing her why.  she thought it was as hilarious as i did, and told me she was taking it home.  i have to say, i am quite glad to know i have a small hand in her evening's eclectic mix of downward facing doggie and pulling carpet fibers out of her nose.

and with that image trapped in yer brain, have a happy weekend.  and keep yer eyes peeled for my bloodshot eyes deciding the fate of everyone around me.  i got a truck, a full tank of gas, and really good insurance.

this is called a post script.  you don't have to read it.  in fact, it's kinda serious and stuff and there is almost no place for that here, but... seein' as how there is this giant doped up white lying rat of an elephant in the room, i might as well say something.

Lance Armstrong.

it is unfortunate that a vast majority of the people who are tuning in, listening, making opinions, and deciding how they feel about this whole situation have no interest in riding bicycles.  the best thing he could have done, both for himself and cycling, is to just go away and work to keep this out of the spotlight.  and to all the people who spent last night, and are spending tonight, watching Oprah's interview, you are exacerbating the negative, fueling his ego, and seeing to it that even the interview is a profitable venture.

the best thing you can do is ride your bike.  so go do that.

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