Thursday, December 27, 2012

indecent exposure can be uplifting

so i sat down and pecked out this post about how life is short, you have choices, live life to the fullest, blah blah blah.  it was chock full of *inspiring words and phrases, soft spoken humor, but mostly feel good bullshit.

i'm not gunna hold yer hand in this.  you are all adults... or you are snot nosed little pains in the ass looking for fun because you are too young to drink and to old too play in the street.  either way, if you actually are relying on my feeble little prose to wake you up to the fact that yer current situation sucks donkey balls, that is just too much responsibility for someone of my caliber.  i can not even spell for god's sake!  only you can prevent forest fires, as well as dull and boring lives.

(for those of you who are fundamentally happy and your current situation does not, in fact, suck donkey balls, i am quite happy for you.  now just click this, close this turd, and enjoy your day.  thank you.)

where was i...

how's about taking a chance?  huh?  why not?  there are so many excuses, but oh how fun it's gunna be when you are old and grey, sitting around the rest home (which is so someone other than family can wipe your ass) handing out disgusting, wrinkled smooches to people that are enduring out of commitment.  you'll be so happy while you grasp at all the tokens you never cashed in.  please, feel free to hoard all the memories you never had.  those days when you shoulda done this or that, or some other thing.  whatcha worried about kids?  failing?  yeah well, if you don't eat shit once in a while, you'll never touch the sky.

couldn't have said it better.

speaking of which, the weekend is here, as well as the new year.  bringing all kinds of anticipation of resolutions packed with stipulations for changing your life for the better... in the future... if it all works out to be the right place at the right time... with the right whatever excuse you can come up with to stay in your stupid condo starring at instagram and wishing.  well guess what buddy, it will never come with a ribbon and bow.

shit.  you could die at any time, simply because the brain surgeon next to you on the white knuckled interstate commute just can't disconnect from their smartfone long enough to realize they are about to slap a tractertrailertruck right-smack-dab in the middle of your forty-five minutes of all brake and all gas dance contest, only to deliver an audience of droopy-eyed spreadsheets and other people's problems for ten hours before you about-face right back into the morning's mayhem... all just to watch the world go by again and again and again and again.... 

then again, you could get lucky.

so hows about you try something different for a change?

i invite you *jump off a cliff.  ride yer bike.  *go hang gliding.  buy a goat.  *take a piss in the middle of a public park during youth soccer practice.  or hell, take one of those "Travel Adventures" where somebody follows you in a van, sets up and packs down your gear, and pampers yer ass while you stroll through the country side like a hairclub ad.  if it helps you truly live a better life, i got yer back

and there you have it.  *i can only hope you are now inspired to think up something totally stupid to do, and then try it.  *then do it drunk.  who knows, you might just walk away with a wonderful accomplishment to look back on fondly, and a good scar on your face to remind you how much fun it was to get it.

*denotes sarcasm and/or a description of an activity that you should not actually take part in, as it is a joke, if you just couldn't figure that one out.

No comments:

Post a Comment